My Ukranian Buddy Accuses Me of Being Someone Else

The following is a conversation with a guy from the Ukraine who works in the potravinny next to my flat. He's told me several times that he speaks "5% English." Most of the time, I have no idea if he's speaking Czech or Ukranian. I tell him, I speak less than 1% Czech. We have a blast talking to each other. Other customers must think we're crazy. We've talked for up to five minutes without understanding a word of what the other says.

(A potravinny is basically a tiny grocery store. They have less junk food than American convenience stores, but that's the closest equivalent. They have fruit, & some have vegetables. Bread, rolls, eggs, milk, cheese--actually the one by me has an complete dairy section--lunch meat, canned foods, orange juice, chips, pre-made sandwiches that are surprisingly good, beer & liquor. They are all over Prague, especially Zizkov. Off the top of my head I can think of four potravinnies within a minute's walk from my front door. Some are better stocked than others.)

Ukrainian: When you work?

Me: Tomorrow morning, bright & early.

Ukrainian: When you holiday?

Me: Not anytime soon, brother.

Ukrainian: You Santa Clause?


At which point I had to laugh & call him crazy before I said, Nashledanou (good bye), and left.

(confession: I improvised on my lines since I don't remember what I said. The important thing is that the Ukrainian steals the scene.)