The Philosophical Uggh

I woke up this morning to a frozen world. The temperature just outside my window was 0 Fahrenheit. Nevertheless, I braved my way through a frigid Prague and made it to my 7:30 lesson at T-Mobile. Thanks to a late cancellation--money for nothing--the morning lesson was all I had scheduled for the day.

When I returned home, I decided I deserved a hot breakfast.

And the weirdness came upon me.

Remember what they taught us in school? Well, one of the things was if you add heat to a solid, it becomes a liquid. If you add heat to a liquid, it becomes a gas. Thus, ice becomes water, and water becomes steam. And if you add heat to a gas, it becomes a plasma, but that rarely happens because the required temperatures are unimaginably high, so you only find plasma in the heart of a star or in the veins of someone about to donate blood.

As I set about making my hot breakfast, I put some butter in a pan and put the pan on the stove. The butter, which had been solid, soon became a liquid with the addition of heat. I thought, I'm witnessing science! And I wondered about the scientific label--is this some Law of Thermodynamics happening in my kitchen? Or does the label sound less awesome?

Then I added the eggs.

Disaster!

Scientific truths tumbled to nothingness before my astounded eyes!

Liquid eggs become solid with the addition of heat!! The umpth Law of Thermodynamics is a farce!

I thought, get a hold of yourself Michael. Be level-headed and rational. And I reasoned: in most cases, the umpth Law of Thermodynamics holds true, but in the case of eggs, well, hmm--stay cool, just think it out, use your head--ok then, it must be a miracle.
Every time I cook an egg, I witness a miracle. Nothing to be upset about; it's even kind of cool.

Then I wondered, is it still a miracle if it can be manifested on command? I have an idea that miracles are supposed to be a glorious surprise, impossible to replicate in laboratory conditions.

So I realized, cooking eggs isn't a miracle: it's magic. Every human has the spooky power to reverse the supposedly inviolable umpth Law of Thermodynamics, at least in the specific case of eggs. Most people wield this power without ever knowing its nature, like I used to. Maybe in some undeveloped parts of the world where the natives never thought to consume animal excretions, they'd say we're crazy: no way could an egg become solid over heat, they'd say. Haven't you discovered the umpth Law of Thermodynamics yet?

Yes, we have. You have to discover the rules before you can break them.

Then I put some hot sauce on my eggs and ate up, altogether satisfied with my adventure into the kitchen.